Junk Mail Special (Don Junker)

The Government should not waste their time trying to eliminate spams. Most of them are from overseas and it’s practically impossible to eradicate them. All those anti-spam softwares in the market are just means to gain more money from consumers through annual upgrades and licence renewals. I’ll just delete all the penis-enlargement and quick money-making schemes every morning like those who have given up on finding a solution.

The bigger issue at hand for the Government to solve is created by idiots who ride bicycles through HDB void decks, distributing mass mail pamphlets promoting real estate agents and other such craps. I just can’t figure out why these agents think they’ll get more clients by promoting in such a manner. I’d rather create a business relationship with somebody recommended by a friend or through proper channels like the newspaper or magazine. So what if there are thousands of pamphlets throughout Singapore with your stupid face smiling and claiming to be the best agent there is. You’re just pathetic at getting sales and nobody wants to deal with you, so you assign the clueless to be your marketing tool.

I’m just fucking pissed at having to clear out stacks of pamphlets everyday just to gain access to my ‘real’ mails. You might accidentally throw out genuine ones if you’re not careful. Their other means of distribution are by stuffing pamphlets below doors and pasting them on the void deck walls. But why would anyone leave pamphlets for an unoccupied apartment? As in the case of my neighbouring unit. Inside got hungry ghost who wants to order suckling pig issit? I would occasionally clear them out for my invisible neighbour. And when it comes to pasted pamphlets, I would always rip them out from the wall every chance I get, much to Fadelinah’s annoyance. So what’s a guy to do to get back at junk mail distributors? Scare them silly!

First of all, when I happen to be around when they’re slotting those rubbish into letter boxes, I would just stand next to them, watch intensely and pretend to take pictures of their actions with my mobile phone. After a while, it gets unnerving for them. That’s being considerate in my books.

At times when Fadelinah was with me, I’d call out loudly to her and say:

“Take picture! Take picture! Call police! Call police!”

As if the men in blue would apprehend such people. Such action can sometimes be enough to send them scampering off like rats.

Of course age plays a part in my scare tactics. I only use these methods to those that look over 40. Those that look younger get another one.

I would approach quietly from behind them and suddenly shout “OOOYYYYYY!!!!!!”. After which I’ll give them a freaky smile. They would either run like hell or stare at me and remark “Sien Chin Ping!” *crazy in Chinese*. Yeah … I’m crazy that way.


~ by blackcadillac73 on May 2, 2007.

5 Responses to “Junk Mail Special (Don Junker)”

  1. Cool! That’s a good scare tactic. I must learn from you.

    And I also rip off ads and other eye sores from the walls too! Why can’t our wives understand that we’re doing a good deed? 😀

  2. oh my gosh, you’re so mean! and creepy! and sadistic!

    hmm why do i get the feeling that martian would do the exact same thing if he were in your shoes??

    those things that wives will never understand!

  3. Moby – We are the junk mail police. We scare junk mail perpetrators irregardless of race, language or religion.

    Raggedyanne – Males and mails have a strong relationship. Only the true ones should be read, the junk ones should be burnt and stamped on. Beneath every man there is a Charles Manson, Hannibal Lecter, George Bush and the likes. It takes just a single idiot to bring it out.

  4. darn, this is deep, man. Can I quote you on this :p

  5. Go right ahead … and make sure martian joins the junk mail police force.

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